One last dream

''It's nice to get away. I bet you can't wait,'' my patient replied after i told him that i was going home for 2 weeks

''Yeah......hmm,'' i paused, hesitating to elaborate on it

all of a sudden, a mixture of feelings hit me

how wonderful to have 2 weeks off from uncompleted work, lifeless clinics and the distressing, seemingly never-ending requirements

but

what happens after 2 weeks?

can i still be on the run?

that's when excitement fades out, eaten away in parts by horror, stress, insecurity, remorse.....

If there is one thing i believe in m horoscope, it's escapism

for years and years, i've been relying on it to cope with my problems
i know it's gotta come to an end someday
i know that one day it's no more a solution to everything.
i know i know....

but please let me run away from it all

just this one time

On 5th gear

only 2 days to go before i get on the plane and head home....yay yay yay!

only 1 day to catch up on an accumulated backlog of work....ouch ouch ouch!

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task.

I can't agree more

Hey you!
chronic procrastinator,
hurry up
it's time to work your fingers to the bone!!!

Oink Oink

Oopsy! I ate it again!!

3 overripe bananas on the table, waiting to be consumed
but that's 315 kcal in one go

i looked at my food diary

crunchy oats 600 kcal
skinny mocha 160 kcal
apple 47 kcal
kiwi & orange 70 kcal
mushroom omelet 100kcal
ovaltine 76 kcal

total calorie : 1053

it was only 3pm but i had already squandered 87% of my daily calorie allowance! *gasp*

then i stared back at those bananas again, wondering what to do with them.

Eat them? my calorie intake will exceed 1200 kcal
Leave them? they will rot by tomorrow which is such a waste and i'll be damned if i waste my money that way during economic recession
Offer someone? there is no one in the flat. Besides, it's not so nice to offer people rotting bananas.

hmm..maybe i should make something delicious out of bananas for my flat mates since i havent contributed anything to this flat yet. I quickly scanned through a list of cake recipes that require bananas and finally came to this simple kitchen formula --> steamed banana cake aka Apam pisang

problem solved! *woohooooo*

While waiting for the cake to steam i chatted with some fifth yr medics and was happy over the great news. Congrats doctors! The future of Malaysia healthcare relies on you people!!

Anyway, back to the cake...menaka, fatiha and ash came by and discussed whether to go for beer race or not

'lapar laaa...let's try your apam pisang!' Fatiha gave in to the temptation of food...lol

So there we were...4 girls sitting around the freshly steamed cake, talking while helping ourselves to the cake.

'OMG, we're almost finishing it! There is no more left for the rest of the flat.' We looked down at the last tiny piece, thinking about one and the same thing --> who is gonna have the last one??

then i saw fatiha scraping it off the tin

'You shudn't have told Lyana i was making apam..see now it's all gone!' i purposely scowled at Ash

'Alamak!' Fatiha suddenly realised she took the last slice and wanted to put it back after taking one bite

We all laughed at the scene, right away....

Fatiha is sooo helplessly funny sometimes...hahaha

Anyway,that was the first time in a long while i hadnt thought about calorie when eating. It really feels so good to put that daunting thought aside which also makes me jealous of people who can eat whatever they want, how much they like and still remain slim...Grrr....not fairrr!!!

Well, thank you for enjoying the cake even thought it wasnt superb and sorry for those who din get to taste my virgin banana cake (blame fatiha!)

When will i bake next?
Hmm...perhaps when i have rotting fruitsss?!

going against the tide

People are surprised when i tell them i want to lose weight. I have had a fair amount of people tell me i am small and thin. But NO, I DON'T FEEL THIN!
When i look in the mirror, i still see problem areas that need more weight taken off. People dunno these areas are there becoz they are well-hidden under clothes!
Call me insane or whatever, i'm not gonna dwell in comments like ''you don't need to lose anymore'', ''you are getting too skinny'' bla bla until i'm contented with the way my body looks. Right now, i still feel FAT, as always!

anyway, i came across this sad sad shocking news about coffee which titled

"Don't Be Latte Fatty - the awful truth about your daily caffeine hit"

Whether you prefer skinny or whipped, with an extra shot of caffeine or a pump of syrup, your favourite beverage probably contains more calories, fat and sugar than you imagine.

....it's perfectly possible to get more than 500 calories in a Starbucks drink.

All figures given here are based on averages in drinks made from whole milk (where relevant) from High Street coffee chains.

LATTE
What is it: 1-2 shots of espresso with steamed milk.
Calories: Small, 200; large, 341.
Fat: Small, 10.6g (6.6 saturated); large, 17.9g (11.2 saturated).
Verdict: Surprisingly unhealthy. A large latte contains almost one third of the daily recommended fat intake for women. Add a vanilla shot and you 380 calories and 14.5g of fat in each large cup. This is equivalent to ten rashers of bacon.
How to make it healthier: Stick to skimmed milk and the calories in your large latte drop to 160, reduce saturated fat to zero and still provide a healthy dose (450mg) of calcium. Soya milk contains 50 calories more per large serving, but is still healthier than whole milk.

MOCHA
What is it: Three-quarters steamed milk, 3-4 pumps of chocolate sauce and 2-3 shots of espresso topped with whipped cream.
Calories: Small, 255; large, 484.
Fat: Small, 9.3g (5.4g saturated); large, 25.3g (14.3g saturated).
Verdict: Very fatty. This is sweetened with a massive 41g of sugar in a large cup. Things could be worse: a large white chocolate mocha with whipped cream contains 628 calories and 28.9g of fat.
How to make it healthier: Order a small skinny (skimmed milk), no-whip (without cream) dark mocha and your calorie count drops to 175.

AMERICANO
What is it: 2-3 espresso shots topped with water, and optional milk.
Calories: Small, 11; large, 23 (more with milk and sugar).
Fat: None (unless you add milk).
Verdict: Most people add milk, but to cut calories make sure it is skimmed. A few studies suggest that a high intake of caffeine promotes the leeching of calcium from bones, but the National Osteoporosis Foundation says adding milk will offset any such risk.
How to make it healthier: Avoid full-fat milk and sugar. Better still, take it black.

ESPRESSO
What is it: Coffee and water.
Calories: Single, 6; double, 11.
Verdict: If you don't add sugar (10 calories per sachet), this is the lowest-calorie coffee. Consuming more than 5-6 cups a day is not recommended by doctors or nutritionists, but a strong black coffee 1-2 hours prior to exercise has been shown to be beneficial. Substances in caffeine trigger the release of fats into the bloodstream during activity, enabling the body to use fat as its primary energy source, say researchers at the Australian Institute of Sport. You will also burn up the fat faster.
How to make it healthier: A macchiato (espresso with foamed milk) provides some calcium and not many more calories (there are only 20 in a double shot drink). But avoid caramel and other flavoured macchiatos - a large one has 390 calories and 17.4g of fat

CAPPUCINO
What is it: A mix of steamed and foamed milk added to an espresso shot.
Calories: Small, 122; large, 207.
Fat: Small, 6.4g (4g saturated); large, 10.7g (6.7g saturated).
Verdict: Better than lattes. But, with 6.7g of arteryclogging saturated fat in a large mug, it's hardly healthy.
How to make it healthier: Ask for skimmed milk. This will remove the fat and cut the calories to 129 in a large drink (76 in a small). Sprinkle on cinnamon instead of chocolate.

HOT CHOCOLATE
What is it: Chocolate drunk with whole milk, often topped with whipped cream.
Calories: Small, 357; large, 549.
Fat: Small, 18.7g (10.7g saturated); large, 27g (15.2g).
Verdict: A large cup has the calories and fat content of three hot dogs, according to the Centre for Science in the Public Interest. Worse is a large, white, hot chocolate containing a whopping 719 calories and 33.4g of fat. Be wary of fast-food chains that make hot chocolates not with milk, but with a mix of sugar and non-dairy creamer (containing the unhealthy partially hydrogenated soybean oil and more sugar).
How to make it healthier: Go for a small, no-whip, skinny hot chocolate to drop your calories to 209.


In short, skip the whip, sugar, syrups and replace full fat milk with skimmed. Better still, have your coffee plain like americano or espresso which contains less than 10 calories per cup.

So, to make my coffee healthier and diet-friendly i can only order the skinny options: skinny latte, skinny vanila/ hazelnut latte, skinny mocha or black coffee i.e. americano, macchiato, espresso

It's not all bad news, isn't it? I dun have to remove coffee from my diet, at least!!

Kvetch of the week

for some reason i feel that time seems to pass slower than usual this week

lectures 9 to 5 almost every day. I find it racking to force myself out of bed early in the morning when normally i can sleep until i naturally wake which tends to be in the afternoon :P

the good thing about lectures is you can just sit back and relax while the lecturer is talking in front. consider yourself lucky if the lecturer has a wicked sense of humour but most of the time, it's long, dull and above all, excessively informative to the extent that your brain gets tired and switches off. At the end of the day, what you bring home is only 10% of the lectures and for someone like me, whose memory is equivalent to RAM, that 10% is *pooooofffffffffff* gone as soon as i snooze.
Honestly, what stays on is nothing but lecturer's jokes

sigh..have to endure another week of 9-to-5-lecture before we go back to clinic (Arghh..that's another pain in the ass!!) ..why do i complain so much??am i coming to the point where i'm already fed up with my routine life even before i qualify as a dentist??

*Gulp*

I can't wait till i'm home.

April. Please come soon!!!!

23 + 1

not in the mood to blog but since it's my birthday and i owe a lot of ppl a big thank you, i should drop some words here.

24. Gaspppp....

"Relax, it's just a number!" i hear that a lot, recently. But, deep down inside..i'm friggin' scared to turn 24...haha...simply becoz i cannot accept the fact that i'm getting OLDER!
No longer an innocent little gal who counts down to her big day and wishes for a big chocolate birthday cake. Not to say that the birthday celebration was greater when i was a kid. In fact, it was very typical. A dinner at a restaurant of my choosing and a birthday cake. Still, i looked forward to it every year.

If turning 24 is already disturbing..what more for 30, 40??

Maybe i should look at the bright side.
It's a day to indulge myself, hang out with friends and have fun. A day to harbor a secret hope that someone will do something wonderful. A day to reflect on how silly i was and try to wipe the slate clean. A day i feel cared for and appreciated by family and friends.

I'm 24. So what? It's just a number....pffttt


P/S Thank you for all your wishes, cards and gifts!! *hugs*