Laugh while you can!

A joke is funny because it makes sense; nonsense is funny because it does not
not everyone can tell good jokes but everyone is gifted with the ability of talking gibberish
i personally don't get jokes right the whole time. In fact, i' m always the one looking bemused and wondering when everyone else is already laughing their heads off at somebody's joke
Nonsense is ,however, a completely different story. My language processor may be impaired when it comes to jokes but is certainly oversensitive to rubbish.
So if you wanna make me laugh, just don't talk sense
you'll be surprised how effortless and easy it is to crack me up

Here is some silly billy nonsense that i still find hilarious after having read them for zillion times. I know results are coming out this Friday but try not to let yourself fall into misery before you read this

Farting people

The Vain Person

One who loves the smell of his own farts.

The Amiable Person

One who loves the smell of other people's farts.

The Proud Person

One who thinks his farts are exceptionable fine.

The Shy Person

One who releases silent farts then blushes.

The Imprudent Person

One who boldly farts out loud, and then laughs.

The Unfortunate Person

One who tries hard to fart, but $#!^$ instead.

The Scientific Person

One who farts frequently, but is truly concerned for the environment.

The Nervous Person

One who stops in the middle of a fart.

The Honest Person

One who admitted he farted, but offers a good medical reason.

The Dishonest Person

One who farts but blames the dog.

The Foolish Person

One who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.

The Thrifty Person

One who always has several farts in reserve.

The Anti-Social Person

One who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.

The Strategic Person

One who conceals his farts with loud coughing.

The Sadistic Person

One who farts in bed and then fluffs the covers over his bedmate.

The Intelligent Person

One who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart, precisely the latest food items consumed.

Sometimes

Sometimes...when you cry...no one sees your tears...

Sometimes...when you are worried....no one sees your pain...

Sometimes...when you are happy...no one sees your smile...

But fart just one time..

Imagine

The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:

• You're a Siamese twin.
• Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.
• You're not.
• He has a date coming over tonight.
• You only have one ass.
• Feel better...

Company Policy Changes

Effective Immediately

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Bereavement Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.